"Tanya!," My brother yelled.
"Look at my collection of bugs!" I looked at him with a disturbing face.
"That's great Josh, you should go collect some more outside." fifteen minuites later Josh came running in.
"Tanya, put your hand in here and guess what's in here." I put my hand in the box and felt little things crawling all over my hand.
"AAAAAAHH!, I screamed at the top of my lungs.
"So what do you think it is, Tanya?" Before I said anything I ran upstairs to wash my hand and realized I still had one of the wood bugs on my hand.
Good story. When at the very start you said "Tanya!," I don't think you need the comma. Also, on the 3rd line when you had the speaking part for Josh, I think after he is done speaking you need the new line and a capital letter. Very creative though!
ReplyDeleteI like your story its very creative. Read it out loud to make sure it makes sense.
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