Un-luck
Riing! The sound of the recess bell pierced my ears as I collapsed on the ground. ''Are you okay?' Asked my bestfriend Jessica as she was helping me up. ''I'm fine''. I responded. As my brused body was getting up, a soccer ball came bolting at my face and luckly I ducked in time. As I joined the queue for class, a kid was playing wall ball beside me. I turned my head and there was a loud explosion sound. It scared the guy playing wall ball and the ball hit me in the back as I lost breath out of my mouth.
it should be pieced my ears, as I collapsed, the period should be in the quotation marks, there should be an i in bruised, period between getting up and A soccer ball, three times instead of and you can put an apostrofe, over all its a good story.
ReplyDeleteYou forgot to make a new line whenever a new person speaks for the first time. I think instead of saying the ball hit your back you could say the ball bounced off you back. I enjoyed your story.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Stitch on that you need a new line when somebody is speaking. Also, you might what to add in what the explosion was.
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