The Volcano Hike
"It's pretty hot up here Tom!"
"Really,Harry!, it's still super hot down here!"
"Hurry up ,Tom, I want to you show inside!"
"Im sorry I just slipped on some ash, I don't know how but I did!" Harry giggled as he was gazing over into the volcano. Tom was making his way up.
"I made it!" Said Tom.
"Finally!" Said Harry.
"Let's celebrate with turkey sandwiches!"
"Great!" Said Tom. Before Harry could hand Tom his food, the ground started shaking and the lava was growling, and the volcano erupted onto Tom. The rest of the day was very sad.
Check for an apostrophe for I'm.
ReplyDeleteLots of dialogue in the beginning, I wonder if you should have some more narration in the beginning to balance out your story.
I think you should add more description.
ReplyDeletefix your grammer add more description.
ReplyDeleteGood story. I think for the lead you shouldn't start with dialogue, you should start with some action.
ReplyDeleteBe sure to read the comments left for you so you can improve upon your writing.
ReplyDelete